What it Means to be Racist in the Hobby
Opinion Mattersrac·ism [ray-sism]
Hatred or intolerance of another race or other races
pref·er·ence [pref-er-uhns, pref-ruhns] - The selecting of someone or something over another or others. The right or chance to so choose. Someone or something so chosen. The state of being preferred.
prej·u·dice [prej-uh-dis] - An adverse judgment or opinion formed beforehand or without knowledge or examination of the facts. A preconceived preference or idea. The act or state of holding unreasonable preconceived judgments.
Whenever I chat on instant messenger my status remains invisible, except to those on my my friends list. Recently, I was engaged in a conversation with a man whom I have chatted with on several occasions. Unbeknownst to me, he had mistaken me for another companion whom he had seen with a similar name. We had developed a chat relationship without him checking me out. I knew who he was because I always check the handle of the person with who I am chatting.
Actually, I don't like black women
The conversation turned toward his love of boobs. So I sent him the URL of a very well known African American companion with superbly large breasts. Prior to sending, I chatted, “Since you like chocolate…”. I felt comfortable making that comment since his reviews indicated that he had seen a black provider, we had previous flirtatious conversations and had even said that the next time he was in Las Vegas he would like to spend some time with me. To my shock, he replied, “Actually, I don’t like black women. Black women have a taste and smell different than white girls”. I was stunned, wondering if he had too much to drink. When asked if he knew who I was he replied: “You are not black-black, you are much sexier.”
At this point, I knew I was about to read the prejudiced words of one the most ignorant people in the hobby
He continued about his first encounter with a black lady whom he met in a chat room and had bareback sex in a garage. He concluded the story talking about his repulsion toward her body odor. I asked him several times if he knew I was black. Finally, he answered: he was talking to the one and only black companion for whom he had written a stellar review. Clearly, he had mistaken me for the wrong companion as I had never seen this man before. How could he feel comfortable enough to have this conversation with anyone let alone a person of color? So I ended the madness by announcing that I was not worthy of his graciousness, that I needed to sit in a tub of hot water and douche because I am black with a horrendous body odor.
Just what does it mean not to be black-black?
Does my not being black- black describe my command of the English language, business skills, tastes in clothing, music, travels, college degree or life experiences? Does it describe my physique? I am thin and very solid. Do all of these attributes make me not black-black?
I tried explaining to him several times that diet determines a person’s bodily scent and flavor. I also pointed out that he was admitting to barebacking someone who, like him, obviously did not practice safe sex, so a body odor should have come as no surprise. The color of her skin was not the cause of her body odor but rather lack of concern for her health. But he ranted relentlessly about three black women with whom he had sex which determined his conclusion that all black women have foul odors and tastes. According to his distorted assumptions, no other race of women carry his self-annotated “coarse” taste. Never once did he question where he was finding these women.
Recently, a friend of mine found herself in a bad situation because of a derogatory review
My friend and I are extremely close in our civilian life. We never cross paths on the chat boards and rarely email. We simply pick up the phone and chit chat. She comes to see me here in Las Vegas or I go see her in NYC. We spend hours like little girls, giggling about silly things.
I know her so well that the hurtful words contained in the review stabbed my heart like a sword. I called her and asked what happened. She was not aware of the review and asked me to give her time to read it. 20 minutes later she called, shocked and confused.
I took two days to carefully analyze the reviewers history twice. I asked a white colleague of mine to read his reviews, not explaining the reason for my request. We both came to the same disturbing conclusion: this man positively hates black women and is a racist.
The list of whom he has seen includes the who’s who of very well reviewed upscale sisters in our industry
His reviews of them were always the most scathing, insulting, manipulatively written in their review history. In one instance, he timed a horrible review to coincide with the provider’s scheduled tour. He has seen perhaps 10 sisters and has never written a favorable review of any of them. Not even one sister has received anything close to a decent review from this man. Yet he continues to schedule appointments with black women apparently for the express purpose of being as petty, demeaning and positively hateful as possible.
I do believe that the reason I have not crossed paths with this man is because he will not spend $1,500.00 per hour (my new hourly rate) just for the pleasure of writing a bad review. I am way above this reviewer’s pay grade, not to mention that there is no way for him to pass my screening process. We will never meet and for that I am joyous.
His defense is that all hobbyists deserve to read honest and well written reviews of their experiences. Makes sense, but he is not holding up his end of the deal. What psychological defect impedes this man to continually spend money while never uttering a word of discomfort or displeasure during a session, rather confirming that he is having a great time? Who then goes home and writes a rough review or in some cases, vindictively times his review when the provider is about to tour just as she is leaving her base city?
I realize that not all hobbyists see black women
I know our skin tone does not appeal to many men and this often includes black men. I have no issues with such personal preferences. My issue is that the scenarios I have illustrated are far more common than anyone would believe. What I find deeply disturbing is what motivates this racist behavior. Why would anyone go to these lengths to express their disdain for a group of women?
While doing my research for this article, I spoke with my atf’s regarding this issue. The response was unanimous. None of them will spend the time or the money to see anyone to whom they are not physically attracted for the sole purpose of posting scalding reviews loaded with insults and wild generalizations.
Written by A’, Guest Author for Geisha Diaries
Reader Comments (11)
Wow, that was interesting but not surprising. From the hobbyist side, I've been given the message that "my money is not good" from my share of providers. I believe the reasons were somewhat different but the rejection the same. I've had many thoughts on this and discussed it numerous times, but I no longer fight those battles. That being said I'm sure if I blogged my thoughts on this, the flames would fly but I learned there's no reason discussing things with people who are set in their ways and are always right (at least in their own minds).
Besides I was taught to never fight a pig in the mud, you'll only get dirty and the pigs likes it. Thanks for sharing.
Wow, I am so sorry to hear this but I am not surprised because there are bad people all over the world. What worries me is that he is extremely methodical in his planning and it gives him some type of gratification by doing this. This isn't just an ordinary hobbyist, this man is perpetrator who sounds as though he is capable of so much more. The deception, the manipulation, the narcissism lead me to believe he is a sociopath. Its well thought out, pre-meditated. He needs to be stopped before he ends up physically injuring a woman. Who is to say that he hasn't hurt a woman in his personal life. My guess (IMHO) is that at one point in his life something happened with a black woman and thus set him on his path of destruction. For the sake of all African American providers, I do hope you have posted on every blacklisting board for ALL women to stay away. This guy has the potential to do even more harm. I know bad reviews can hurt but believe me, your life is more important than a review and this guy is dangerous and as evidence shows, men like him only get worse with time...so who is to say what he will do next?
Again, I am so sorry for what has happened to these women. Something tells me he does this in his personal life as well. Men with personality disorders never get better...they only get worse.
Nubian - there are always flames surrounding this very controversial topic. Doesn't make it right. Kudos to the author and to you for speaking up. xoxo
Meeshee
Hey Nubian.....send me an email.
Having been in the adult entertainment industry in one form or another for a few years I have discovered that it is more challenging for ebony women in all forms of the industry. With that being said the fact that someone would go beyond having a preference, beyond avoidance and beyond writing nasty remarks to the point of using their own money and meticulously planning scheduled meetings and reviews with the intent to sabotage a lady's tour and damage her reputation is disgusting and appalling. As far as this man being reported is concerned I agree with Gemma. Thank you again for having the courage to write this article. I hope I never come across a client like this.
I'm not surprised by this idiot either, but then that shows again that reviews are a lousy system - to put it politely. That anyone could trust the opinion of an anonymous stranger re. spending intimate moments with someone else is totally beyond me.
Yes, I know there are reviews about me, I don't know if any of them are for real.
Tamara - you might want to read in the Thread Forum the post, "Is Anyone Looking Out for Me?"
Sorry where's that Meeshee? Can't see it in list of posts.
It's in the Thread Forum, accessible from the top navigation bar on the website. You must be a member with username and password. You have, but I can re-send, if you need.
White guy here....love black women, as long as they are not "black-blcak",....dont know why, just part of my wiring it seems. Grew up with blacks, (amost all black neighborhood) all friends, even had crushes on sexy lady (black) teachers. It's NOT about prejudice (ie racisim); it;s a lot like my overshelming preference for Brunettes over Blondes. However, any lady who is "special" (as far as my "wiring" is concerned) can sport ANY color hair that she likes.....she will STILL be "special". Most guys are not rich, so we have to choose carefully. Given my self awareness, and how I prefer white brunettes, and given my age (59) and decreased stamina, I will choose that which I can enjoy the most. maybe 30 years ago I would have sampled one of each, just becuz......and truth be told, some black or black/mixed/exotic girls are the MOST AWESOME looking I have ever seen!!!; FYI, on the flip side, one of most insanely intense relationships I ever had was w a girl who looked and sounded like a younger version (when i was a kid) of my mom..(this is not wieid..please spare me comments).. since Im white, this would not be possible if girl was black. Not to worry, it's all about the person...unfortunately, the "person" is impossible t gauge onloine, or from a backpage ad, or some website; all we have left to judge the book is by it's cover.
I was appreciative of the article until I got to this statement by the author: "I know our skin tone DOES NOT APPEAL TO MANY MEN and this often includes black men."
While I would be the first to argue that a complex history of racism has fostered a visible level of "colorism" in the U.S., I think this statement, particularly the part that I capitalized to show emphasis, indicates "a lack" in the author's own personal views. This makes make incredibly sad.